You Wish…You Could Tie Your Shoes Like Me

It occurred to me this morning. I am easily the greatest shoe tying bastard in the world. I don’t fuck with bunny ears. I’m a loop, swoop and pull bad ass. Like a navy seal preparing a descending rope knot, I lace up with the utmost precision and tightness. So tight that they never untie, not once, as I gallop through life as a Champion.

My loops lay quietly down the front of my foot like a comfy baby calling it a night. Not one movement or peep from the symmetrical mirror like beauties.

My knots don’t bunch, release, or fall to one side. They sit and hold pose like a mature canine in a dog show competition.

The next time you tie your shoe think of me, Ted the greatest shoe tying gunslinger you’ve ever seen. You Wish…You could tie your shoes like me.


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