College Football Guidelines For The Viewer

It’s almost here. The smell of freshly cut grass, a crispness in the air as fall approaches, and the sound of pads popping through your TV. College football is coming around the corner. With that also comes beer, food, and friends. Below is a guide for your typical Saturday in front of the TV’S.

For starters – Make sure you and your buddies establish where you will be watching the games together. Also make sure a minimum of 3 TV’S are available. (Our setup below)  For example: A few years back we all watched games in Cincy. Place smelled like a fart bomb the next day – It was glorious.


10:00  – Wake up and cook a nice hardy breakfast with eggs, bacon, hash browns and a stiff drink. Either a Mimosa, Screwdriver, or Bloody Mary. Consume all of this with the song “Homegrown” blasting throughout your living quarters.

10:45 – By this point you should have about two beers in your belly. You should also be in the front yard running routes and catching the old pig skin while talking about your glory days. Get outdoors for about 15 minutes because the rest of the day will be nestled in the cave.

11:00 – Get positioned in the living room or the man cave. Lay out the chips, liquor, and appetizers. Also turn on College Gameday and gear up! Use this next hour to make predictions, discuss the season, and debate the outcomes.

12:00TURN ON THE GAMES! Also, at this point all of those in attendance must take one celebratory shot. Kickoff the season right. Throw it back and lock in. From here the day will vary for all involved depending your teams kickoff time. If its a noon kick, watch them in horror while getting hammered. If it’s a 3:00 kick, time up the alcohol intake to hit maximum drunk at kick, and if its a night game, do whatever the hell you want… you have time to get wasted and bounce back, or not.

Throughout the day make sure you simply enjoy a slice of America. This is what it’s all about. Dudes watching games while the women stand in the backdrop acting interested. Truthfully, their only interest is an outcome that will make you happy. I can remember in college – Notre Dame lost a heart breaker and while consoling me, my poor girlfriend made the statement. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore. My Saturday’s depend on a team I cannot control.” – I went to bed.

11:00 PM – Should your team have won you have two options. Go out and party your face off or kick back and relax to some PAC 12 football. Nothing better than laying around  and watching the PAC 12 play as a winner.

Should your team lose – Either go out and get hammered or simply go to bed. Sorry. The next week you will be miserable and you will avoid all sports related channels.


2 thoughts on “College Football Guidelines For The Viewer

Comments are closed.

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: