Who Needs An Uber When You Can Ride With A Cop

Saturday night we took part in a traditional adult Halloween party. You know – Just random fun adult stuff. Swinger shit, body shots etc. Anyway, I went as Master Chief from Halo and I finally fulfilled a lifetime dream of mine. It also cost me $80 for the costume and helmet but you can’t put a price tag on dreams…After numerous drinks, dancing, and eating we ventured to the local  pub to cap off the night. And after the pub is when things got interestingly amazing.

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Obviously by 2:00 am I was surrounded by a bunch of drunk dumb asses unable to organize a ride home. And unfortunately for me, my phone died while trying to order an Uber. In a fit of rage I grabbed my Master Chief helmet and started marching roughly 8 miles home, fully suited up like I was headed off to war. (It was awkward at intersections)

Now, some might say this was a dumb move but I had three plans in action. 1) I would track down my friends in their Uber while passing. 2) I would get home regardless. 3) I would flag down a cop in Waterville for a ride. And just like I suspected, I found a cop.

For those of you familiar with Waterville, I was certain a cop would be parked at the Key bank location just outside of Marcos Pizza. And sure enough there he was. As I strolled up the cop chuckled, likely because I was hammered and in costume. I politely explained my situation. “Hey, Mr. Police officer. I drank too much and I was hoping you could give me a ride back to my place.” He generously agreed and let me in. While seated like a criminal in the back seat I was required to present my ID and license for “protocol,” and of course I checked out. I’m squeaky clean, people. During the car ride I was praised multiple times for my responsible behavior. He even went as far as saying “I wish more people were like you.” (You hear that? More people like me!) In the end, after a short ride and a new friend I returned home and it felt exclusive as hell. I didn’t pay, I had the entire back seat, I technically had a police escort, and the cop even opened the door for me because I couldn’t get out myself…

Did I mention I also beat everyone home and paid ZILCH for the ride!! Of course my roommates got home only to bitch and scream at me but I don’t care. I’m the man that received a free ride with a cop, while dressed as Master Chief. Not even Uber can top that.

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