That’s right! THE Big Dick Rick treated himself to an off day and he won’t return to the workforce until next week! This morning I found him roaming around the kitchen with his bulge bumping into the cupboards and shit. Even my new puppies were nervous… He looked dazed and confused so I asked what his plans were for the day. Rick said he’s already bored but he had some options in the works.
First, a bite to eat with his father. Rick and his father have an incredibly close relationship. Then again, I would love my father if his genes blessed me with the biggest cock in Northwest, Ohio.
Secondly, he said he might drive up to Cabelas in Michigan and “Just walk around for a few hours.” Seems fitting. Big dick Rick is an avid outdoors man. You can find him most weekends shooting his shotguns in a corn field. He also claims that he would bust 100 of 100 clays with his steady aim. I doubt it as the man has a reputation for telling more white lies than imaginable in a given day. Part of me thinks all the blood jammed in his hog messes with some of his reasoning. I also doubt he buys a damn thing. Rick doesn’t go to stores to buy anything.
From Cabelas I’m guessing Rick will be laid out on my couch in the basement with a Busch Light, candy, and his favorite Barcelona blanket. He’ll also be wearing his world famous groutfit without any boxers. Personally, I think he does this for an intimidation factor. Much like a peacock showing off his feathers when scared or trying to mate. (Fitting how the word COCK is in Peacock. huh) When visitors or family members swing by for the Holidays the first thing they’ll be faced with is a free flowing bulge swaying from thigh to thigh. I keep telling him to harness it down with some compression shorts but he wont listen.
So to Big Dick Rick Muntz – Have a great Holiday buddy. You deserve it. Especially after another year of carrying that load around.
PS: I also have to apologize. Last week Rick shoveled our entire driveway. None of us believed him and we were certain someone else with a truck assisted. But nope, Rick came through. He even called his father for proof that he borrowed the shovel. For a good 20 minutes we laughed when he mentioned he put in the manual labor. But can you blame us? This is the same guy who claimed to be a scratch golfer, run a 4.3/40, and hit 100 of 100 clays. He’s a habitual liar.