Your New Years Fitness Resolution Will Fail You Tributes!

Hey, all you assholes who haven’t been to the gym for the last 350 some odd days…go home! Since January first our local YMCA has been busting at the seams. Both at the waist line and the walls. Everyone and their mother is once again trying to get in shape for 2017 and here’s the sad truth, 98% of you face stuffing jerks won’t last more than 3 weeks.

Harsh? Yes! Honest? Absolutely! Listen, I’m all for people trying to get in shape, but I’ve seen this song and dance far too many times. People enter the new year motivated and excited, only to sweat on all the equipment for a month until a nice cheese pizza catches their attention on a Wednesday night. A little cheat burger here, some fried wings there and wada bing, wada boom…. “he/she gone.” (And trust me I love me some pizza and wings)

And to the 2% of those newcomers who stick it out and change their health for the better…good for you. Some will make but most will not. There’s far too many vices in this world that will pull the losers away, and the sooner, the better. That gym fucking stinks  and I’m tired of looking at elastic waist sweatpants.

This is hell week and only a few will survive. Trust me, I hope you make it. But its doubtful.

May the odds be forever in your favor.

One thought on “Your New Years Fitness Resolution Will Fail You Tributes!

  1. I on the other hand had a pleasant experience at LA fitness. Much more talent in there and new faces to look at. There was motivation everywhere you looked. I will be back today, I hope they are too.


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