Five Guys Is Now Americas Favorite Burger Chain But Not For Me

Here’s what I can tell you about Five Guys – Most year’s when we attend the Detroit Bowl Game or MAC Championship, we get Five Guys. Yes, it’s good but every year I eat it I violently thrown up all over. Like next level puke that makes you think I’m demented and riding myself of demons through an exorcism.

In all fairness it could also be the 100 beers, mixed drinks, and shots, or it could just be Five Guys fucking with my stomach. Personally, I’m blaming Five Guys. I’ve been crushing brews for the last 11 years of my life and although I puke occasionally, none of those session measure up to the Five Guys vomit. It HURTS. It’s unbearable!

Here is a list of the top 10 Burger joints:

The poll, which was conducted from December 30, 2016 to February 21, 2017, asked over 100,000 respondents to rank brands based on familiarity, quality and consideration. Below are America’s top 10 burger favorites: 

1. Five Guys Burgers and Fries

2. In-N-Out Burger

3. Shake Shack

4. Wendy’s

5. Culver’s

6. Whataburger

7. McDonald’s

8. Sonic America’s Drive-In

9. Smashburger

10. Steak ‘n Shake

I’ve never had it but SmashBurger caught my attention immediately. Although I’m also the same guy that grabs the coolest bottles in the liquor store. A total sucker for advertising and marketing. When you see a commercial and think “Who falls for this shit?” – I do. I’m the guy…

Also – I can see why White Castle missed the ranking. We left White Castle burgers in a hotel room overnight and it smelled like hell the next am. I haven’t ate it since.

PS: I stay in a lot of hotel rooms it seems.


2 thoughts on “Five Guys Is Now Americas Favorite Burger Chain But Not For Me

  1. TED, who is on your Mount Rushmore of hamburger joints?

    My TOP 3:

    1.) In-n-Out Burger (Trip to LV changed my life)
    2.) Culver’s (side of deep-fried cheese curds because why not)
    3.) Everyone else…


Comments are closed.

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: