I Can No Longer Watch The NBA Finals

Sports are great, right?! We currently have the Cavs vs. Warriors and Penguins vs. Predators for viewing pleasure but theres one series I WON’T watch… The NBA Finals. Why?

Because I can’t take it no more! – Squints. It’s not healthy! Last season I spent the entire second half, and 90% of the 4th quarter of game 7, sitting on the hood of my car, watching my sprinklers pump out calming water. It was the most relaxed & peaceful I’ve ever felt during a major sporting event. My heart rate dropped, my anxiety released, and I pleasantly soothed my soul to the cycle of those sprinklers. Sure, my monthly water bill raped my ass but it was worth it. At my age, I just can’t handle meaningful basketball games anymore. Bad calls piss me off, botched layups enrage me, and missed free throws, mother fucker, I could kill… Especially Lebron missing, which is a likely outcome.

So what are my plans tonight? I plan on going for a bike ride, playing tennis, working out, or smashing ice cream. I suffered through game 1 and ended up drinking entirely too much alcohol. It sucked. So for game 2, I went to bed, ignored it, and checked the score when I woke up… Of course the score sucked but instead of 3 continuous hours of hell, I quickly ripped away the band-aid of pain. Not some agonizingly slow death…

So to the Cavs – Go win it, I’ll be relaxing or keeping myself busy. Maybe a sprinkler cycle will be scheduled. I apologize, but you are really better off without me, and I just can’t take it no more! – Squints

PS:¬†Predators and Penguins – I’ll watch those games. No vested interest and this Stanley Cup has been phenomenal. Also, the Predators climbing back from down 0-2 is a good thing. Defend the Land.

PSS: I can’t stand Curry’s dancing ass any longer.

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